last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
