Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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