I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
