dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
