What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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