Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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