That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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