got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
