Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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