don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
