Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
