Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
