There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
