party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
