just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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