The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
