Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
