I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize