Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
