everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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