Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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