So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
