The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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