also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
