Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
