It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
