A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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