im having a threesome with these popsicles
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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