sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
