whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
