He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
