I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
