if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
