My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
