Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
