Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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