What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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