the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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