I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
