can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
