i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
