I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
