this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
