??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
