I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
