oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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