Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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