Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
