I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
