I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
