I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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