Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
