I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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