So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
