Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
