So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
