It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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